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Comical
Criminals
Trivia |
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A would-be robber had been casing a Boston bank for several
days, waiting for just the right moment to commit robbery.
He went through the customer line, and as he approached the
teller's window, he produced a handgun and announced loudly "THIS
IS A HOLDUP, NOBODY MOVE!" Much to his
dismay, the next five customers were armed FBI agents on their
lunch breaks, attempting to cash their checks. He quickly surrendered
with no shots fired. His casing job had failed to notice the
FBI Field Office two doors down. |
Two young larcenists in Florida, 14 and 15 to be exact, appeared
before Judge Larry Seidlin after stealing their twenty-fifth
car in just two short years. After the boys were released,
they walked out of the courthouse and realized they did not
have bus fare for a ride home. Promptly, the duo stole number
twenty-six; they crashed the vehicle into a fence less than
an hour later. |
Eleven days before the statute of limitations was to expire
on the Brink's robbery in Boston, Massachusetts, that netted
nearly $3 million in January 1950, one of the robbers confessed
and betrayed his fellow robbers. |
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience
store when he decided to fire his attorney. Oklahoma City District
Attorney said Newton was doing a decent job until the store
manager testified that Newton was indeed the robber. Newton
jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, " I
should have blown your f***ing head off" The defendant
paused then added, "If I had been the one that was there." The
jury deliberated for twenty minutes before returning a verdict
of guilty and recommended a sentence of thirty years. |
John Schieman, 37, thought the best time to steal a car would
be when its owner was getting out. As his would-be-victim,
Robin Van Bortle, 32, was attaching a lock to her steering
wheel when Schieman made his move. Startled, the astute woman
reacting by beating Schieman over the head with the antitheft
device. The budding criminal was charged with robbery, assault,
and grand larceny. |
A man walked into the corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the money from the cash register. After the cashier
put the money in the bag as instructed, the man demanded the
bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. The cashier refused
to hand over the Scotch because he did not believe the man
was 21. The robber swore he was, but still the clerk refused.
Finally, the robber handed over his ID and proved that he was
indeed twenty-one. As soon as he left, the cashier called and
gave the police the name and address of the man who had just
robbed the store. The suspect was arrested two hours later. |
Charged with drug-possession, Christopher Johns claimed that
he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer did not need a warrant because a bulge in Johns's
jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day. When he
handed the judge the jacket, a bag of cocaine fell out. The
judge required a five minute recess so that he could gain his
composure. |
In Louisiana a would be criminal entered the bank and held
it up for several thousand dollars. In an attempt to quickly
escape, the man ran into a glass door. Though he made it out,
he left half of his mask behind on the door. Not having the
money to buy a traditional mask, the man had covered his face
with a bottle of shaving cream. The suspect was arrested a
few minutes later, half of his face still covered in shaving
cream. |
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights
for Western movies and other events. One day, a middle-aged
woman called to inquire if they could kill her husband. She
was sentenced to four and a half years. |
Two Marble Valley, Vermont prison escapees were caught in New
York City in 1996. Police found their to-do list, which read, "Drive
to Maine, get safer place to stay, buy guns, get Marie, get
car - Dartmouth, do robbery, go to New York..."
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