"I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?"
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
"I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong."
"A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father."
"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
"My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys.""