"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
Shirley Temple.

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
Richard Lamm.

"Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas."
Kin Hubbard.

"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
P.J. O'Rourke.

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
Johnny Carson.

"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home."
Carol Nelson.

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
Phyllis Diller.

"People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December."
Ogden Nash.

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
Dave Barry.