"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns.

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen (...more Woody Allen Quotes).

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
Groucho Marx (...more Groucho Marx Quotes).

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
Oscar Wilde (...more Oscar Wilde Quotes).

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen (...more Woody Allen Quotes).

"So my choice is 'Or Death?'."
Eddie Izzard (...more Eddie Izzard Quotes).

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Groucho Marx (...more Groucho Marx Quotes).

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson.

"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
Emo Philips (...more Emo Philips Quotes).