"I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal."
Peter Cook.

"The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk."
Patrick Murray.

"A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns."
Mario Puzo.

"A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it to himself."
Henry Bougham.

"The most beautiful words in the English langauge are 'not guilty'."
Maxim Gorky.

"To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph."
John Mortimer.

"There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do."
Blanche Knott.

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'."
Winifred Duke.

"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."
Ambrose Bierce (...more Ambrose Bierce Quotes).