"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
Groucho Marx (...more Groucho Marx Quotes).

"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."
Steven Wright (...more Steven Wright Quotes).

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
Henry Youngman.

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain (...more Mark Twain Quotes).

"A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
Herm Albright.

"Those who can do, those who can't teach."
George Bernard Shaw (...more George Bernard Shaw Quotes).

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
Douglas Adams.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
Charles Lamb.

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly."
Oscar Wilde ('The Picture of Dorian Gray' 1891) (...more Oscar Wilde Quotes).