"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi."
Bill Gullickson.

"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."
Billy Connolly.

"Wales is the land of my fathers. And my fathers can have it."
Dylan Thomas.

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
Oliver Herford.

"Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."
Yakov Smirnoff.

"Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name BZJXXLLWCP is pronounced Jackson."
Mark Twain (...more Mark Twain Quotes).

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
Dan Quayle.

"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun."
Ashleigh Brilliant.

"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle.