"In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abcess."
Dave Barry.

"A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch."
James Beard.

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."
Steven Wright (...more Steven Wright Quotes).

"Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."
Denis Leary (...more Denis Leary Quotes).

"'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'."
Dave Barry.

"Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal."
Voltaire.

"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
Jo Brand.

"The perfect lover is one who turns into pizza at 4am."
Charles Pierce.

"Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen."
Woody Allen (...more Woody Allen Quotes).