"I like children - fried."
WC Fields.

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are."
Matt Lauer (on NBC's Today Show).

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright (...more Steven Wright Quotes).

"Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."
Mike Kalin.

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favourite food is seconds."
Joan Rivers.

"A winkle is just a bogey with a crash helmet on."
Mick Miller.

"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."
Eddie Izzard (...more Eddie Izzard Quotes).

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
Steven Wright (...more Steven Wright Quotes).