"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee.

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace.

"I can speak Esperanto like a native."
Spike Milligan (...more Spike Milligan Quotes).

"What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?"
Fred Allen.

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa.

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
Will Rogers.

"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."
Ruby Wax.

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."
Desmond Bagley.

"Grammar schools are public schools without the sodomy."
Tony Parsons.