"The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi."
Denis Leary (...more Denis Leary Quotes).

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
George best.

"I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."
Bill Hicks.

"I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."
Mark Twain (...more Mark Twain Quotes).

"What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."
Diogenes.

"If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon."
WC Fields.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
Dean Martin.

"The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."
Arthur Lewis.

"A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle."
Jonathan Swift.

"The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV."
Homer Simpson.