"There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums."

"If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not to me."

"The majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper."

"Any time there's a scandal, we always try and get involved."

"I may be paralyzed from the waist down, but unlike Gray Davis, I'm not paralyzed from the neck up."

"That's 'Mr. Smut Peddler' to you!"

"Murder is illegal. But, you take a picture of somebody committing the act of murder and they'll put you on the cover of Newsweek. You might even win a Pulitzer Prize. And yet . . . sex is legal. Everybody's doing it, or everybody wants to be doing it. Yet, you take a picture of two people in the act of sex of just take a picture of a woman's naked body and they'll put you in jail."

"Your Honor, you have not made one intelligent decision during the course of this trial, and I don't expect one now."

"The two most misused words in the entire English vocabulary are love and friendship. A true friend would die for you, so when you start trying to count them on one hand, you don't need any fingers."

"Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation."