"I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes..."

"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

"I invented the cordless extension cord."

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy."

"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."

"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."