"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."

"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row.""

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar.""

"I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it."

"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering."

"I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?""

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

"I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it."

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."