"I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!""

"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it."

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone."

"I invented the cordless extension cord."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

"I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium.""

"I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator."