"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

"George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk."

"How young can you die of old age?"

"He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in."

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

"I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish."

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

"I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping."

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

"I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by."