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: Home : Funny Quotes : Comedian Quotes : Groucho Marx Quotes
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"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."

"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."

"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

 

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