"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

"I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine."

"I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."

"I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there."

"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict."

"The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr. Healey. You're blind, for God's sake!"

"I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again."

"People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?"

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

"Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast."