"Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he
was a painter."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire
fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"What year did Jesus think it was?"
"The real reason that we can't have the Ten
Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou
shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou
shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."
"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just
don't have as many people who believe it."
"Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody
going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going
faster than you is a maniac!"
"George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was
the Uncle of Our Country."
"If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first
major league baseball team, who did they play?"
"If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would
you say she had a fourth sense?"
"If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with
Saddam Hussein’s army and a long, difficult escape
through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute
drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony