"When I was young I was called a rugged individualist.
When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric.
Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then
and I'm labeled senile."
"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me
loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth
"At my age flowers scare me."
"Do you know what it means to come home at night
to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little
affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in
the wrong house."
"By the time you're eighty years old you've
learned everything. You only have to remember it."
"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake
that, you've got it made."
"Everything that goes up must come down. But
there comes a time when not everything that's down
can come up."
"First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally,
you forget to pull it down."
"A good sermon should have a good beginning
and a good ending, and they should be as close together
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good
cigar and a good woman— or a bad woman; it depends
on how much happiness you can handle."