"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
"I believe there is something out there watching
us. Unfortunately, it's the government."
"I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when
what I really want to do is French-kiss her."
"I had a terrible education. I attended a school
for emotionally disturbed teachers."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by
a car being pushed by two guys."
"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal."
"I think being funny is not anyone's first
"I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea
for a new triangle!"
"I don't think my parents liked me. They put
a live teddy bear in my crib."
"I am two with nature."