"Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course."

"Those who can do, those who can't teach."

"Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty."

"England and America are two countries divided by a common language."

"My reputation grows with every failure."

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."

"Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability."

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."

"I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married."

"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.