Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey
and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide
as the front ones.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You've been too drunk to fish.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer
can in the car.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because
of your appearance.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in
your front yard.
Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, "Y'all
come look at this before flush it!"
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and
girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls,
a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction
in your home town.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway
Twitty record collection.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of