You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John
F. Kennedy.
You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but
support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and
Bosnia.
Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape
and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, "So
what?"
If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because
of the effects of drug abuse.
You think Hillery Clinton is, "A babe."
You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named
after George McGovern, but then you remember that one
aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children
for a year.
You are against sexual harrasment except when committed
by Senator Kennedy.
You think people who make above minimun wage are rich
and should be taxed at 90 percent.
You are not shocked when someone says "F---" but
are profoundly shocked when someone says "N-----".
Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the
first thing you think should be done is that the oil
companies should be investigated.
You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot
to oppress women.
You think George Stephenapolis is, "A hunk."
You ever said, "Differently abled" when you
mean "crippled."
You ever proposed that cockaroaches should be placed
on the endangered species list.
You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar,
or a Ferrari.
You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.
You never wished that Star Trek had more ship to ship
combat scenes.
You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh
is not.
You once referred to President Reagan as "that
man in the White House."
You think that the Unabomber "has a point."
You cried out, "Where did I go wrong!" when
your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps.
You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train
and fed to a pack of ravenous poddles.
You ever referred to someone's GI Joe figurines and
matching tac nukes as "War toys."
You are against prayer in public schools, even before
math tests.
You own an espresso maker, a cusinart, a vibrator,
and a heated water bed and yet oppose off shore oil drilling
and the construction of nuclear power plants.
You don't go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard
Goetz is not.
You think that Doctors should be made into government
bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.
You've felt compelled to buy the child rearing book
entitled, "How to get your Children to Say No in
the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s."
You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not
big, mean bikers wearing leather.
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