"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
- Oliver Herford

"A wife of 40 should be like money You should be able to change her for two of 20"
- Anon

"She tells enough white lies to ice a cake"
- Dorothy Parker

"She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together."
- John Cantu

"My wife asked what it would take to make her look good I said "About a mile" "
- Anon

"She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it."
- Bob Fosse

"Some women are BLONDE on their Mother's side, some from their Father's side - she is from Peroxide."
- Anon

"She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age."
- Oscar Levant talking about Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Her voice sounded like an eagle being goosed."
- Ralph Novak on Yoko Ono

"Brassy, brazen witch on a mortgaged broomstick, a steamroller with cleats."
- Walter Kerr on Ethel Merman