"Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?"
- Don Rickles

"Like a death at a birthday party, you ruin all the fun... Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you're no use to anyone."
- John Cooper Clarke

"He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard."
- Anon

"She has an insipid double chin, her legs are too short, and she has a slight potbelly."
- Richard Burton talking about Elizabeth Taylor

"She loves 'NATURE' - In spite of what it did to her."
- Anon

"Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?"
- Don Rickles

"When He comes into a room, the mice jump on chairs."
- Anon

"I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly."
- Anon

"Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday."
- Anon

"See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome."
- Anon

"Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?"
- Anon

"Don't you need a license to be that ugly?"
- Anon

"Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!"
- Anon

"I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!"
- Anon