"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a billiard ball."
"Well get to the back of the queue."

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
"Pull yourself together."

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a ten pound note."
"Go Shopping, the change will do you good."

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards."
"Please wait a minute and I'll deal with you."

"Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera."
"We'll just have to wait and see what develops."

"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clock."
"OK, just relax. There's no need to get yourself wound up."

"Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dustbin."
"Now you're just talking rubbish."

"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog."
"Sit down and tell me all about it."
"I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture."

"Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory."
"When did this happen?"
"When did what happen?"

"Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing little black spots before my eyes."
"Have you seen a Doctor before?"
"No, just little black spots."