Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemmingway

He was a wise man who invented beer.
- Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
- Catherine Zandonella

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
- Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin