Submitted By: (Sarah Cockerill)
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission
into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that
Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions
standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes
each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time
that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home
early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could
catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment,
I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower.
I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone
or any trace that he had been there. The last place I
looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to
get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands,
and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and
got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five
floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the
asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator
from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony,
and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy
and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what
I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story.
Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second
aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor
of this apartment building. I had just purchased this
book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my
balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance
and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two
floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on
for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this
guy came running onto what must have been his balcony
and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed
in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped,
I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with
a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and
I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't
believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last.
The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of
me and crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several
broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to
the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked,
in a refrigerator..."
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