squiffy2
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Oct 12, 2005, 2:14 PM
Post #1 of 1
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It's Graduation day at the Shao Lin Monastery and after many long years perfecting the arts of picking up the red hot metal urn with the insides of the forearms, playing the flute, jumping up in the air and remaining there for fifteen seconds while the dull-witted rednecks lose track of you and, finally, walking the length of a strip of rice paper without leaving a trace, the monks are ready to go out into wide world and do whatever it is they do.
Given the length of the training course very few of the monks' parents are still alive enough to attend. However, those that are, after a slap up rice wine and rice feast and still swollen with pride at having seen their offspring invested with the sacred floppy hat, sandals and string bag, get to witness a selection of secret rituals culminating in the 'Mystery of the Unnervingly Blind Abbot Fending off the Javelins Thrown by the New Graduates.'
All is going well until one monk, perhaps distracted by the sight of his mother's rather garish Graduation Day hat, forgets to give the cry "Hah" on releasing his missile, with tragic consequences.
A deathly hush ensues as the Blind Abbot, speared through the roof of the mouth and pinned to the panels at the back of the stage, struggles to speak.
All gather round, anxious to hear what pearls may drop from the lips of the clearly moribund sage. Minutes pass as the master wrestles with death, desperate to leave one last message to mankind and finally, in a faint and agonised voice (and those close enough to hear will count themselves fortunate indeed) he utters the immortal last words, "What Kung Fu that?"
Squiffy
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