Bloke in a pub notices a blonde woman smiling at him. He thinks he knows her, and asks, 'Do you know me?' She replies, 'i think you're the father to one of my children'. He thinks back to the only time he was unfaithful to his wife. 'Shit', he says, 'are you that stripper i shagged on the snooker table in front of all of my mates while your mate shoved a cucumber up my arse and whipped me mercilessly with a wet piecce of celery?' 'Er...no...' she replies. 'I'm your sons teacher!'
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