1. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his arse.
2. Three explorers get lost in the Amazon. They are an American, an Englishman and an Australian. They are found by cannibals and brought to the chief in charge. Since the chief is a very political man, he allows each of the men to choose how they would like to die. He then tells them that after they die, their skins will be made into canoes for the cannibal tribe.
The American asks for a gun. He yells out, ASTALAVISTA! Before shooting himself in the head.
The Englishman asks for a sword. Yelling out GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!, he stabs himself in the chest and dies.
The Australian asks for a fork. He is given one and immediately starts stabbing himself with it. Blood starts pouring out of each separate puncture wound in his body and the chief cannibal suddenly yells out, "Why are you doing this, and torturing yourself to death?" The Australian replies with "There goes your goddamn canoes!"
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