Joke of the Day:
From the Comedy Zone Joke Files
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.
"That's great," says the actor, "what is it?"
"Well," says his agent, "it's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday," says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening."
The actor is so excited he got the job, that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer. "Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar?' You're late, get up to makeup straight away."
So, he runs up to makeup. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'? You're late, sit down here." Then, she applies the makeup. "Now, quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on."
So, he dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you?" asks the stage manager.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'? Get on there, the curtains about to go up!" So, he runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and the house is full.
Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts, "What the hell was that?"

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Silly Fact of the Day:
What do bats' wings, elephants' ears, flamingos' legs, rabbits' ears, goats' horns, and human skin all have in common? They radiate heat to providing cooling for the animal.

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Joke of the Day:
From the Comedy Zone Joke Files
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly mad now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so mad that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

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Silly Fact of the Day:
U.S. Congressmen expressed surprise on learning in 1977 that it takes 15 months of instruction at the Pentagon's School of Music to turn out a bandleader, but merely 13 months to train a jet pilot.

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