A few wise words for you about the upcoming festivities:
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. - Phyllis Diller
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. - Jay Leno
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. - W.C. Fields
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. - Johnny Carson
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. - Kin Hubbard
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it "white". - Bing Crosby
discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? (from Marvin) - Tom Armstrong
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. - Joan Rivers