Jul 12, 2007, 5:48 AM
Post #1 of 1
Chopper Read's Health Retreat: http://www.youfatbastard.com.au/
Chopper Read's Health Retreat
What you can expect from Chopper’s Health Retreat
Day 1: Step machine
Forget the step machine, use the f**king stairs. I know a lot of f**kin’
idiots who take the lift up to their gym, then they pay 20 bucks to get on a
step machine. Just take the f**king stairs! That way by the time you get to
the gym on level 31 you can just buy one of those fluoro blue isotonic
drinks and f**k off down the stairs again.
Day 2: Jogging
Your pale, pasty skin might not have seen the sun for years, so get your
arse outside and get some fresh f**king air. And if you are short for
motivation tie yourself to a school bus, there’s nothing like the fear of
being dragged across a bitumen road with children laughing at you to keep
the pace up. Once again if you drive to your gym then pay 20 bucks to get on
a treadmill you are a deadshit.
Day 3: Swimming
If you want to get fit you should always get a good solid base by swimming
some distance. When I was a personal trainer to those who owed me cash I
would combine swimming with weight training, you can tell someone is putting
in 110% when they make it back to shore from 5km out when you’ve tied them
to 40kg worth of bessa blocks.
Day 4: Weights
Lifting weights is good for muscle growth. Lifting dead weights like Keithy
George is even better. The reason yer uncle Chop Chop looks like Arnie
Shwarza-f**king-negger is because he’s done time in H-Div and we always
pumped iron in there. I also find a great way to work those guns is to throw
a few beers back during the day to get the arm action pumping - yeahh!
Day 5: Go easy on the fried food
I don’t know about you but I could eat just about anything if it was
battered and deep fried. Offal – disgusting; crispy golden brown deep fried
offal – I’ll f**kin’ have 2. But if you don’t want your arteries clogged
like a pig in a drain pipe then try eating something else, your heart will
Day 6: Drink lots of fluids
You need to always stay hydrated throughout the day, especially when
exercising, That’s why I always have a case in the fridge next to my
exer-cycle. It not only keeps your insides happy but it gives you a radiant
glow. I know after about 20 tinnies I always feel like a sex machine.
Day 7: Eat some salad you fat bastard!
If you think that salad was invented to sit on a f**king plate as garnish
then you are sadly mistaken. There’s good shit in there that’s not only
healthy but fills you up too. Yer uncle Chop Chop loves his salads because
it allows him to sink his 20 cans and still look like a f**king Adonis. So,
eat some salad you fat bastard, cause even if you are tubby, the girls love
a man who orders salad and I’ve never known a bloke with scurvy who picked
To see Chopper’s Health Retreat, visit www.youfatbastard.com.au
(This post was edited by chopperread57 on Jul 12, 2007, 5:52 AM)