Ear Muffs Winters are fierce in the north of Scotland where the Laird lived, so as owner of the estate he felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his outdoors foreman. However, after a week or so he noticed that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs, not even on the bitterest day. So the Laird asked, "Alan, did ye not like the ear-muffs I gave ye?" "Well Sir, they're a thing of both utility and beauty." Alan replied. "Why do ye not wear 'em then, Mon?" Alan explained, "I was wearing 'em the first day, Sir, when a laddie offered to buy me a whiskey, but I didna hear him! Never again, Sir, never, ever again!" Squiffy
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